Another small gap, ha ha, what’s new.
So, last week, I started to come off of some kind of flu and eye infection. I felt like crap in those last few days, and I just ended up spending a lot of time in bed reading the “Metabarons” comic. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing, as it’s so intense it kind of haunts you a bit.
Anyways, what’s new. There’s always something new.
But okay, what’s new for today. Well, I’m going to go get the job at trader joe’s. I’m going to get a job working in a super market while I work on my job.
This week, I had planned a trip to San Francisco, because I wanted to look into two major studios, Pocket Gems and Pixelberry. During a networking session, I had found out that both of them apparently hire like crazy.
My mentor reached out to me, and offered to show my artwork to someone he knew who worked in the company. The result?
She told me that my art is still not on the level that it needs to be. I’m going to have to spend another 6 months to a year working.
Let’s be honest about this moment. Let’s be totally honest. I don’t want to just throw in some bullshit motivational ya ya horseshit that says like, you gotta want it more than sleep and everything is going to work out. I’m in a difficult situation.
Why is it difficult? Is it a lot of work? Well, yes, it is. Coming back from work and having the energy to keep working on artwork is going to be difficult. Not impossible but difficult. It’s do-able but it’s going to be about making smart moves that put me in a position to work efficiently without being tired or hungry. Sleeping/eating right will be essential. So will feeling good where I’m at. I’m not feeling yet.
All I see are the battles that I’ll have to fight. Between my parents, maybe my family, maybe at other Indian get togethers. I’ve made a choice to deviate from a very well trodden path, and I’m pretty sure that I’m going to be held up as an example of why others shouldn’t do what I have done. But who cares what others say right? Just do me right?
But that’s not what I’m feeling. I’m angry. Really angry. I’ve been focusing on all of the battles that I’ve had to fight and the battles that are coming up. I’m just going to be honest, even if I sound selfish. I’m angry. I’m angry at everyone and everything. There’s a part of me that wants to give it back to them. Everyone, to rise up, hit a higher level, and when they come back to me, asking for help, stick it to them. Fuck them, and then sit back, and tell them to get over it. Same way I’ve had to. You eat it. See how they like. And when they get mad, rub their face in it. Same way it was done to me. Good, you want to be part of a shitty system that doesn’t give a fuck fine. But now suffer for that. Get your just reward.
Then there’s another part of me. A calmer part that looks at that, and knows that’s not the way. This excessive anger is not going to help me. Remembering past injustices is frankly a waste of time, figure out how to conquer the current obstacle, and face the next obstacle without assumptions or expectations. See the thing for what it is.
This is about a few simple things. Making sure that I hit my new daily numbers on my artwork that I’m supposed to hit. Staying focused. Networking regularly. Staying balanced. Eating right. Sleeping right. Staying happy.
I always feel that I have to always portray this thing of always being positive. Always being happy. Always upbeat, always looking to the next horizon. But I’m not feeling that right now. So I’m not going to throw in some upbeat bullshit.
I feel far away from those things right now. But I’m going to move towards them. I’m only going to give myself so long to feel angry.